I am trying to make light of life and am really sucking at it. That is the issue of it all. I wish life didn’t turn out the way it did. I guess I’m in the middle of a mid life crisis for real now. I recently found out the real reasons why I never had any children. Why I let my mother and society scare me into believing that sex is is a sin, that you will go to hell and you wouldn’t allowed to enter the Kingdom Of God and and Paradise Earth. You must be married. It’s all so disgusting. Now because of fibroid cysts, I have to have a hysterectomy done. I am not 100% thrilled about it but it’s the only thing I can do. I don’t want to have kids…too old, too sick, love my freedom. We definitely want to adopt and foster. Too many beautiful babies out there unwanted…we have a ton of love to give.
I am purging here, not as much as I could, but to keep going on and not try to break. I don’t wanna break but I feel like I am close. I always come back from it, better than before. Always. If I can find a way to deal with that and not fall apart, then I hope that way presents itself to me.
Anybody reading this and finding it pathetic, move the fuck on. I am a grown woman with grown woman issues that I have to find answers for so I can try to have a normal life. No time for bullshit or negativity.